


The Sanders Sides Pet AU That Nobody Asked For

by TwoKidsInATrenchCoat



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Bird! Roman, Cat! Patton, Cat! Virgil, Dog! Logan, Octopus! Remus, Pet au, Snake! Janus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24583990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoKidsInATrenchCoat/pseuds/TwoKidsInATrenchCoat
Summary: Thomas decides that he wants to adopt a pet. Little does he know that he’s about to grow attached to more cuddly creatures than planned. Each chapter is the story of how he makes a small addition to his famILY.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 201
Collections: RandomFanfictionsE.g.Anime, RandomFanfictionsE.g.Anime_2BeRead





	1. How It All Started

It all started one night when Thomas was mindlessly scrolling through his phone and an ad to adopt a pet showed up. Thomas took a second to go “aww” at the cute animals in the photo before trying to resume his scrolling, but he ended up accidentally clicking the ad instead. It immediately took him to the animal shelter’s website, and Thomas was just about to click back when his eyes lingered on the animals. They all looked so sweet and adorable, Thomas remembered how much fun he had while fostering a dog, Harry, and found himself longing to have a companion that he wouldn’t eventually have to say goodbye to.

He shook the thought away as he found himself reminiscing. He couldn’t...could he? He supposed that he was now at a stable enough point in his career that he would be able to adopt a pet and give it all the time and attention it needed.

Although the idea was growing on Thomas, he was still a little iffy. But he supposed that going to the shelter to just brows wouldn’t hurt. If nothing came of it, he’d at least have been able to see some cute animals.

Having effectively won himself over, Thomas knew what he was going to do tomorrow and wrote down the shelter’s address.


	2. Logan & Patton

Thomas arrived at the shelter and headed straight to the dogs section. He walked by the different cages where dogs of all shapes and sizes were either curled up asleep in their beds or pressed against the bars in excitement at the prospect of meeting a new human.

They were all adorable, but none of them really caught his eye until he got to the very end. It caught his attention not because he suddenly felt some sort of spiritual connection to it, but because there were two animals in the same cage.

The first was a large black dog, with a white marking on its chest that almost shined blue, sitting calmly and regally. While a...cat? Yes, a grey cat with sky blue eyes stood on its companion’s back trying to clean the dog’s head. The felines attempts were being rendered unsuccessful due to its inability to balance. The sight made Thomas snort in amusement when the cat comedically feel off the dogs back and automatically leaped back up to try again. While the dog held still, indifferent to the cat’s antics.

A lady who worked at the shelter caught him looking at the pairing and walked over to provide some more information. The dog, Logan, was a Great Dane, and his feline friend was Patton. “Fair warning, those two refuse to be separated. They’re a package deal.”

Thomas smiled back at her, but there was a twinge of sadness in it, “Oh that’s okay. I’m allergic to cats, so I don’t think it would work out anyway.” To his surprise, the lady perked up at this, “Well, I should let you know that Patton is a Siberian which means he’s hypoallergenic.” Thomas took this into consideration, and asked “Can I go in?” The lady nodded and opened up the cage.

Constray to typical cat and dog behavior, Patton was the first to approach. After falling off Logan’s back for the umpteenth time, Patton seemed to pretend that’s what he meant to do and went to greet their visitor, while Logan stayed sitting and eyed Thomas cautiously.

Thomas sat down as Patton came over. He held out his hand for the cat to sniff and Patton did so, before rubbing his check against the man’s palm and purred. Thomas’s heart melted as Patton made his way to the center of his criss-crossed legs and sat down, purring contently.

Thomas had apparently passed Patton’s test because after a bit of petting Patton turned to Logan and meowed at him. The Great Dane got up and approached Thomas slowly. The man in question patiently held out his hand and allowed Logan to sniff his hand.

Logan warmed up to Thomas pretty quickly and soon enough Thomas was sitting contently with the two creatures, humming a nice tune for what felt like five minutes, but the lady informed him was half an hour. Thomas sheepishly got up and informed her that he would like to take Logan and Patton home for the trial period.

He recruited Joan and Talyn to pick up supplies from the pet store while he drove his new companions home. Ever the excellent friends, Joan and Talyn showed up at his doorstep soon after he got home with all the necessary supplies. Joan and Talyn took turns cooing over Logan and Patton, while the other helped Thomas set up the litter box, and make room in the cabinet to store the pet food.

At some point, Joan pointed out that the marking on Logan’s chest made him look like he was wearing a necktie, and Thomas could not unsee it after that. “Well it makes sense,” Talyn chimed in, “I mean, he’s so serious and serious people wear neckties.”

Logan lived up to his serious reputation, that night. Joan and Talyn had accidentally overlooked getting a dog bed, so Thomas had put together some pillows and blankets on the floor of his room for Logan. But when Thomas indicated to Logan that that would be where he was sleeping, well...was it possible for a dog to look offended?

Thomas could practically hear Logan’s thoughts, “You want me to sleep on the floor? What am I, an animal?!” Logan continuously indicated with his snout that he wanted to sleep on the human bed. Thomas could have just forced Logan to sleep in the pillows, but Logan never made a move to jump up onto the bed with out Thomas’s permission. So maybe that’s why he didn’t forbid it immediately.

Logan waited patiently for Thomas’s resolve to break and it did. With a sigh of defeat, Thomas nodded and allowed Logan to make himself comfortable at the foot of the bed. Patton curled on top of Logan and Thomas smiled at the sight and allowed himself to drift off to sleep too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give this story a better title, but I literally have no idea what to call it. Please feel free to comment some recommendations.


	3. Roman

It had been a couple of months since Thomas had adopted Logan and Patton and things were going great...for the most part.

Admittedly, there were bad days where Patton and Logan got so anxious that the best thing Thomas could do to help was to leave them alone. He knew that there was a reason that they refused to be separated and he had decided he would be better off not knowing the details.

Having said that, there were plenty of good days filled with cuddles, laughter, and learning new things about his companions.

Thomas had discovered that Patton was a complete cuddlebug (except for his anxious days, in which case, Logan was the only one he’d let come close) and enjoyed curling up next to Thomas to watch The Office.

Thomas also found out that Logan liked listening to podcasts. He’s pretty sure that Logan couldn’t actually understand what the people were saying. Maybe he just liked the way that their voices sounded? Thomas wasn’t sure, but in any case, he was more than happy to listen to Freakonomics with Logan on any given day.

He also discovered that when the lady at the shelter had said that Logan and Patton refused to be separated, she meant it. Thomas had only tried to separate them once, when he wanted to take Logan on a walk and leave Patton at home. He had assured himself that one hour apart wouldn’t make a difference. But as soon as he’d managed to shoo Patton back inside and close the door, Logan flopped to the ground in protest while Patton yowled on the other side of the door. Patton’s cries combined with with Logan’s miserable look made Thomas feel like the biggest jerk ever and he gave in to their demands.

Thomas compromised by buying a cat leash and just about everyday, the three of them would go for a walk. It was always a fun experience. Patton seemed so fascinated with the world and always stared at everything in wonder.

Well...except for one thing. It turns out that Patton was deathly afraid of spiders and due to what would live on in infamy as “The Great Spider Threat of 2017” Patton had managed to break his collar while trying to run away from some spider themed curtains that Thomas’s neighbors had put up in preparation for Halloween.

So now Thomas needed to get Patton a new collar. The shelter that he’d first adopted Logan and Patton from also sold collars, so he left the two home alone (with a podcast on for Logan) and made his way back to the shelter.

It was just supposed to be a quick trip, in and out, but Thomas was immediately sidetracked because upon entry he head the most beautiful song. He is entranced and followed the melody to the bird section of the shelter where he found the tune was coming from a striking red bird. Upon seeing the it had an audience, the bird seemed to puff up more and sing a bit more loudly, while shining it’s red feathers.

There was an index card zip-tied to the cage. It told Thomas that the bird was a Red Factor Canary named Roman. Thomas found himself humming along to Roman’s song. It was a fun duet and Thomas could already see Roman getting along just fine with Patton and Logan. Joan would later warn him about being so impulsive, but Thomas knew that it was the right choice.

When he brought Roman home, along with Patton’s new collar, Patton took to Roman immediately. If dogs could roll their eyes, then Thomas was pretty sure that Logan would constantly be rolling his eyes at Roman’s vanity and need to be in the spot light, but he didn’t seem to mind too much. Both canine and feline seemed to appreciate Roman’s singing too and it even helped the calm down during anxious days. 

Roman was also okay with being left behind during Logan and Patton’s daily walk. Which Thomas was grateful for. He didn’t know how he’d manage to keep track of a dog, cat, and bird while on these walks. All in all, things were working out pretty well.

Thomas was feeling pretty good on one overcast day while walking Logan and Patton. The clouds were rolling in, but Thomas had assured himself that they’d have enough time to get back. He should have known better than to tempt fate.

Once they were at the farthest point from his house, the winds began to pick up. It started to rain lightly but Thomas knew that it was only a matter of time before it started pouring. He tried to turn Logan and Patton around, but of all the times, they chose now to stop and refused to move no matter how much he tugged on their leashes. Thomas let out a groan of frustration and tried to pull up his letterman jacket over his head for some sort of protection from the elements.

Suddenly, Thomas felt Logan and Patton trying to drag him. He looked up and saw that they were headed towards an alleyway that had nothing but a bunch of trash bags and boxes in it. Thomas didn’t want his pets to try eating garbage so he tugged harder on the leash, but they pulled forward even more. “Why do they want to eat this trash in particular so badly?!” their owner wondered in frustration. The rain was beginning to pick up and Thomas was becoming desperate to get home.

“Come on guys,” he tried to reason with them, “I’m sure there’s nothing in there that’s actually of any interest to you.” In response, Logan barked back at Thomas loudly. Logan never barked, so Thomas was caught off guard. This moment of surprise allowed Logan and Patton to leap forward once more and get to the boxes. Logan headed straight for one that was off to the side and opened it with his snout.

Thomas got over his initial shock and raced over to tug Logan and Patton away from whatever was in the box. In his struggle to get the two away, he glanced down and saw that the contents of the box was moving! To be more specific, it was shivering.

“Is that…” Thomas glanced closer and saw a pair of purple and turquoise eyes staring back at him, “Is that a cat?!”


	4. Virgil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘scaredy cat.’

After quickly glancing through the other boxes and finding no other animals, Thomas focused his attention back to the kitten. “You’re all alone aren’t you,” he said with a sad smile. He tried to tenderly pick up the poor thing, but the kitten immediately began to claw at and bite him. “Owowowowow!” Thomas hissed in pain. The kitten only hissed back.

Thomas sighed, he didn’t even care about the rain anymore so he took off his letterman jacket and wrapped it around the kitten so that he could safely pick it up. The kitten squirmed in protest, but it was no match for its new prison.

When Thomas made it back home with Patton and Logan, Roman sang in greeting, but his owner didn’t pay him any attention and just raced up stairs. The kitten was absolutely filthy and Thomas didn’t want any bugs or dirt that the kitten might have accumulated to be brought into his house. So he drew a lukewarm bath, rolled up his sleeves, and tried to ease the kitten in. It put up a fight of course and Thomas was covered in scratches and bitemarks by the end of it.

Fortunately, he didn’t find any bugs, but after all the layers dirt were removed, it became very apparent how small the cat was. He came back down, with the kitten now wrapped in a towel and set it down in the center of the living room.

Thomas hurried over to the kitchen to go get it some food, constantly glancing back to make sure that their new friend wasn’t up to no good. But it soon became apparent that he didn’t need too. Patton had begun approaching the kitten. It backed away at first, but slowly let Patton get closer. As soon as he was close enough, Patton gave his new friend a big, wet lick on the cheek.

The kitten didn’t immediately run away or fight back, but it did looked embarrassed and disgruntled. Even more so when Patton delightedly began cuddling and cleaning the kitten. Thomas could swear that Roman was snickering from his cage.

The brown haired man smiled and walked back over with a small bowl of food and set it down. The kitten’s purple and turquoise heterochromatic eyes widened at the sight of the bowl. It approached slowly, but with Patton’s encouragement, it began to eat. Thomas eyed the kitten’s visible ribs sadly and wondered who could do such a thing to an animal.

With the kitten busy, Thomas went onto his phone and began looking up what type of breed it could be. He’d only realized now that he hadn’t begun coughing and sneezing like he normally would around cats. So he looked at hypoallergenic cat breeds and found the Devon Rex.

It seemed to fit the description. Small, skinny, and those big ears. The way its ears twitched and swiveled around reminded Thomas of radars, constantly surveying the area for any threat.

Things had seemed to calm down until Roman apparently felt like he wasn’t getting enough attention and began squawking. Thomas went over and left Roman out of his cage, the bird immediately flew over to inspect his new housemate. After five seconds of staring at each other, they started squawking and hissing at one another. Thomas sighed. This might be a problem.

The next day, Thomas took a trip to the vet with the black kitten, who he had started calling Virgil (so he named the cat and accidentally got attached, sue him). He felt so bad taking Virgil to a new environment, he always seemed so terrified of everything, but it had to be done.

The vet looked him over and assured Thomas that Virgil was healthy enough and would begin to get some meat back onto his bones overtime. The vet also recommended that Thomas get a hoodie for Virgil. After laughing at Thomas’s facial expression, he explained that it can help pets with anxiety. So Thomas bought Virgil a black and grey checkered hoodie and Virgil took to it immediately and refused to let Thomas take it off of him.

Logan and Patton seemed to get along with Virgil, but he was still having trouble with Roman. No matter how much Thomas tried to get those two to get along, they would always end up squawking and hissing at each other and having to be separated.

Thomas knew that it was especially bad because Roman refused to sing for Virgil. Typically Roman would sing for anyone that would listen, but he silenced himself whenever Vigil was around.

Then one day, Virgil’s hoodie broke. Apparently things had gotten a bit too rough when playfighting with Patton, because Thomas came home one day to Virgil with many holes and loose strings in his hoodie and a very sheepish looking Patton. Virgil didn’t seem to care as along as he got to keep his hoodie on, but Thomas knew that he was going to have to mend it. There were too many holes and loose strings for Thomas to feel like Virgil wouldn’t get caught on something and end up getting hurt, or try to eat the strings and get sick.

So Thomas took the hoodie. He made sure to keep Patton around and set out blankets for Virgil, but as soon as he took the hoodie, Virgil began yowling in distress despite Patton’s best attempts at comforting him.

Thomas hurried over to the table and tried to make his mending quick, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Roman fly over and perch himself on the back of the couch. Thomas braced himself for Roman to start a fight, but instead Roman began to sing. It was the sweetest melody Thomas had ever heard come from Roman. Virgil stopped meowing and stared at Roman, mesmerized.

Thomas is able to mend the hoodie by cutting away the loose strings and adding a bunch of purple patches over the holes. Virgil was so happy to be in his hoodie again that he was even willing to call a truce, because he jumped to the back of the couch where Roman was perched and curled up to take a nap. Roman approached slowly, but even he wasn’t immune to Virgil’s purring and settled down for a nap right next to him.


	5. Janus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typically Fireball Pythons eat live mice, but I’m just going to say that in this universe they don’t because we’re trying to keep things wholesome.

“-and I swear if that snake fakes being sick one more time, I’ll-I’ll…I don’t even know what, but he’ll be sorry!” Joan’s rant was running a bit long, so Thomas decided to step in, “Hey I’m sure that he’ll come around. He’s probably having trouble adjusting and just wants attention.”

A friend of Joan’s was moving out of the country and couldn’t take their fireball python, Janus, with them. Joan had agreed to take care of Janus until they could find a permanent home, but the snake had proven to be quite the actor and constantly faked being sick for extra food and attention, much to Joan’s frustration.

Joan fummed quietly and Thomas couldn’t bear to see his friend like this. “Hey, how about this. You need a break, so why don’t I let Janus stay with me for a week or two?” Joan eyed Thomas suspiciously, “Are you sure?” Thomas smiled back, “Positive.”

The next day, Joan helped Thomas get Janus’ terrarium upstairs to his room and get everything inside of it set up. Then they went back to Talyn, who was making sure that Janus didn’t get into any trouble, and picked him up. Janus seemed very tense and mistrusting while wrapped around Thomas’ shoulders as he took him upstairs. But that might have just been because Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil were all eyeing him with curiosity and suspicion.

The first few days were definitely a learning curve for all of them.

Janus despite being known for lying, he also didn’t seem to trust anybody. He would hiss in displeasure if Thomas tried to pick him up; and would eye whatever food he was given like it might be poisoned, but he always eventually ate it. Thomas also learned what Joan meant when he said that Janus was an actor, but maybe since he was also an actor Thomas always seemed to have a gut feeling whenever Janus tried to fake something.

After a little while though, after Thomas managed to figure out all of his tricks, Janus seemed to respect the human as a worthy opponent and no longer minded if Thomas draped him around his shoulders.

As for how Janus was getting along with everyone else, well...let’s just say that it’s a mixed bag.

Despite all of the progress that he had made with Roman, Virgil was a hypocrite and hated Janus’ guts. They avoided each other like the plague, but Thomas had an easier time keeping those two separated, since Janus typically stayed upstairs and Virgil liked the couch.

Roman kept his distance from Janus, but they both loved musicals and plays. Whenever Thomas put one on, on the TV, they were both practically hypnotized.

Janus got along best with Logan and Patton. Logan and Janus enjoyed podcasts and Janus liked Patton’s company, but then and again, who didn’t?

There was also a less expected side effect to having Janus around, Thomas wasn’t overworking himself as much. It didn’t matter if he had Janus next to him or left him upstairs, the snake always seemed to know if Thomas was starting to push himself. And would always start hissing really loudly until Thomas would relent and take a break.

It wasn’t perfect, but by the end of the two weeks Thomas could bring himself to give Janus up, and Janus seemed perfectly happy with this arrangement too.

  
  



	6. Remus

One of Thomas’ friends needed a favor from him. They needed him to pick up some things from an aquarium supply store for the fish that they had recently adopted. They had a prior arrangement the day when they needed to pick up the supplies and couldn’t get it themselves. Fortunately for them, Thomas was more than happy to help his friend out.

Thomas arrived at the supply store and found an odd sight. The employees seemed rather tense and panicked. He asked an employee what was going on. She replied, “Oh it’s nothing to worry about sir. One of the octopuses that we have for adoption has escaped. But he’s harmless so don’t worry. Just let us know if you see him around.” Thomas nodded and hurried to finish his shopping.

Although, he did feel bad for the octopus on his way out of the store, because he had overheard two employees talking about how this isn’t the first time this particular octopus has escaped. Apparently he does this a lot and a very frustrated employee muttered that they wouldn’t be surprised if this was the octopus’ final strike and they had to put him down once they found him.

Thomas arrived back at his friend’s house to drop off the supplies. As the two of them were unloading the bag, Thomas’ hand brushed against something smooth and squishy. He slowly turned his head down to find an octopus in the bag.

Thomas naturally freaked out and threw the bag. Which just so happened to land in the friend’s trashcan. The momentum of the bag caused the trashcan to get knocked over. The octopus crawled out with a wrapper around one tentacle and blinded by the yogurt cup on top of it’s head. Which caused it to repeatedly bump into the nearest wall, rendering it pretty harmless.

But Thomas was still very freaked out and let out an undignified shriek at the disturbing sight, “It’s a trash octopus! It’s a trash octopus!”

Thomas turned to his friend who had just stood there paralyszed, not quite able to process the situation. Then he turned back to the octopus, but it was gone. “Well. That’s not good,” Thomas muttered.

After explaining what had happened at the aquarium supply store to his friend, Thomas had a good idea of who his hitchhiker was. Thomas’ friend said that they have a spare tank with a secure lid that they could use to trap him. As they filled the tank up with the proper water, the gears in Thomas’ head began to turn. He didn’t know how he could tell, but the octopus seemed really happy to be with the trash. He was starting to figure out what made it 

tick and began to formulate a plan in his head for how to get their unhygienic houseguest into the tank.

Thomas’ friend lived in a rather small apartment, so there weren’t a lot of places for him to hide. After doing some searching they realized that the octopus had been in the trashcan the whole time snuggled up to an old deodorant. 

Having his friend keep an eye on the trashcan, Thomas went into the fridge and found an old can of sardines. The friend was more than happy to have an excuse to get it out of their fridge and allowed him to use it. Thomas opened the can and did his best not to gag from the pungent odor that he could practically taste on his tongue.

The octopus perked up from the trashcan at the horrendous smell and slowly slinked out. Thomas created a small trail for the octopus and it happily followed, eating the fish as it went. Eventually the octopus made its way over to the tank where Thomas had left a whole bunch of fish. The octopus happily jumped into the murky water, and Thomas and his friend immediately snapped the lid on tight.

The two of them breathed a sigh of relief. Thomas’ friend suggested giving the octopus back to the supply store but Thomas was hesitant. He still could remember those employees discussing putting the octopus down. Even at the friend’s suggestion, the octopus seemed a little scared at the prospect of going back.

Thomas couldn’t bear to send a creature to its death like that. When he told his friend as much, they just replied, “Well the trash octopus isn’t staying with me.” Thomas sighed and after getting the proper supplies from a different aquarium supply store, he took the octopus home with him.

Thomas decided to name him Remus and after some research, found out that he was a mimic octopus. The mimic octopus gets its name because it’s able to transform itself to mimic other animals, but Remus chose to mimic other things. For example, if his human denied him a special treat, he would turn himself into a very lewd hand gesture. Thomas had no idea where the octopus had learned that and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

The vast majority of his other pets weren’t too fond of the octopus, but seemed to tolerate him. The only one who didn’t seem to be bothered was surprisingly Janus. Maybe it’s because Thomas had put Remus’ tank upstairs next to Janus’ terrarium (away from the others who were still getting used to him) and they had just learned to live with each other, but Janus seemed rather indifferent to the new arrival, despite all of said arrival’s antics. Antics that unfortunately involved a lot of escape attempts.

Remus had tried to leave his tank and explore the rest of the house many times since Thomas took him in. But after having adopted a dog, two cats, a bird, and a snake, Thomas had learned to read the signs that a pet was planning something and acted accordingly. 

Thomas was proud to say that none of Remus’ escape attempts have been successful and Remus didn’t try nearly as much after a while once he realized that Thomas was going to inevitably catch him every time. Although, he would still try every once in a while just to keep his human on his toes. 

Also, when he wasn’t foiling Remus’ break out attempts, Thomas was also discovering different things about Remus. For example, he liked listening to very inappropriate music. The more the song’s lyrics made Thomas squirm the more likely it was that it would be a song that Remus would enjoy. It made Thomas blush every time he had to put on the playlist that he made for Remus, but it helped Remus to stop pouting when one of his escape attempts failed.

Of course, since Thomas had made a playlist for Remus, he knew he wasn’t going to hear the end of it unless he had made a Spotify playlist for all of his pets. Admittedly, he did have a lot of fun with Joan and Talyn picking out music.

Now Thomas’ house is filled with barks, meows, chirping, hissing, the whoshing of water, and music. He has no idea how he could ever go back to the silence of his old life. They may be a handful, but Thomas wouldn't have his famILY any other way.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thomas actually did foster a dog named Harry. In 2015, Harry is introduced in Episode 4 of #AskThomasSanders.


End file.
